As
Arya and Atul stand around looking stressed, the Michael Ian Black thug takes a
couple of potshots at them. He then sets the gun down and runs away. Arya takes
off after him on a USM and UTL filled chase through the center of town. They
eventually end up at a castle, complete with drawbridge that is raised behind
them. Michael Ian Black finally gets cornered in the castle and Arya draws two
pistols on him. He starts to laugh as he looks past Arya to a doorway that
Ansari and five other guys are coming through. He also spots three men on
parapets nearby with machine guns. Looks bad for our hero!
The
guys with the machine guns open fire. They burn through about 200 rounds each
(no reloading) and each and every shot misses Arya. He's in the clear. Wide
open. No obstructions whatsoever, and they all miss. Finally after about a
minute of sustained gunfire Arya says "Okay!" and drops his guns.
Ansari and the others gang up on him and tie his hands together. They hang
him by his wrists and slap him around a bit. Ansari tells him that he's sorry to
inform him that Arya's mission has failed, and is off to broadcast the tape. He
leaves and tells the others to "carve him out." Arya laughs and says that the
headlines will tell of an unknown man single-handedly taking out two important
terrorist cells. This enrages the Indian Hulk Hogan that is standing nearby with
a chainsaw.
Hulk
UTLs over to do some damage, but Arya kicks him and sends him spinning. The saw
cuts through his ropes (how fortunate!) and he climbs to his feet. He forces the
saw against one of the henchmen, where I suppose it's cutting him but instead it
looks like lots of red sparks. This sets off a big fight scene where all the
shooting takes place in a weird, blurry slow motion kind of effect that
basically makes it impossible (asambhav!) to tell who's been hit. Oh, and yes it
is intercut with Arya doing some kung-fu in UTLs and USMs.
This
goes on for some time. Atul gets a one-on-one fight with the Gupt Jailer, just
so we don't think he's a complete waste. Arya faces off with Hulk hand to hand
because it's exciting... I think. Arya finally breaks his neck and we can get on
with the movie.
Michael Ian Black shows up again with his garrote wire and tries to strangle
Arya, but this leads to another USM and UTL fight between the two. Noteworthy
here - in order to break Michael Ian Black's hold on his neck, Arya pulls out
some pocket-sized nunchaku out of his pants pocket and smacks him in the face.
He does one of those routines where he whips them around for a bit, then
inexplicably puts them back in his pocket. Whatever.
They square off and show each other their triple USSes, then it's back to UTL
and USM fighting. Finally Arya manages to kill him with the wire, and we close
this chapter of our saga. (sigh)
